I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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