remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
