For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
