Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
