ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
