You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
