so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
