i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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