Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
