I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize