I just threw up on my dentist
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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