grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
whose parrot is this?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
