you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
