I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He felt like a one man threesome
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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