Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
