just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i think i just lost a toe
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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