How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
