She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
