I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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