His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
