No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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