Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
