the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
