Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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