Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
