Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
