I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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