"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
