Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
