I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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