Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
