I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
