it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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