quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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