so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
