im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
