Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
