My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
