anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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