No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
