Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
