Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
