and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
