Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize