dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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