I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize