I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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