also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
