I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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