I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
