so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
