the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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