he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
