Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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