Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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