can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
