you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
