So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This baby is an asshole
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
