just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
