so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
