In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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