Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
