I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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