It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize