She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
