at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
