i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
