we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
