Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
