well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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